"Virginia's Granddaughter Commands a Conversation"
I wanna say I was born in California. Um, well actually, er, I mean ... Okay, I'm from Michigan. Yeah, up north. That's why I can't say "ya'll" without curling my lip and sticking out my tongue and pretending to vomit. I've never told anyone aside from you that I'm a Yankee, Charles, so do us both a favor and keep it to yourself. See, if my mother finds out, I'm dead meat. She'll cut me off. I'll have to move to a slum. I'll have to throw away my mobile phone. We won't be able to engage in the same amorous banter we've always enjoyed so much. So just don't say anything to anyone, okay? In fact, why don't we make a pact? If you agree never to speak another word in English, ever, to anyone, ever again, I will do the same. Oh, Charles! Get this! I realized something today ... I realized that I am actually quite pretty, so if you ever wanna date or something ... y'know, let me know. Just come up to my apartment and ask me out. I'm upstairs in #12. I'll say "yes". We could maybe catch a cab and go out dancing or drinking. Maybe afterwards I'll let you french kiss me in public for half an hour before we both head home. I could become your girlfriend and we could "do it" occasionally, on nights when neither of us are too busy. I usually have a few essays to write, and I think you enjoy spending a lot of time alone. Did I get that right? Or maybe it's the other way around. Well, we'll figure it out if we need to. It's just, wow ... Y'know? ... It's amazing to realize that you're female after having spent your whole life thinking you're a freak. Have you decided whether or not you're male yet, Charles? Wait! Whenever you figure that out ... I mean, if you figure out that you are indeed male, maybe we could marry! Oh, it would be so precious. Ha-ha. You'd get down on one knee with your weird hair falling all over your brow, and I'd touch my face nervously. You'd propose and I'd say "yes", and we'd collapse into the longest, deepest embrace any human has ever collapsed into. I want to cry just thinking about it, Charlie. I've always thought you were the cutest boy I've ever met ... God, you have the nicest hands ... Am I getting too carried away? Yeah, I guess I am ... I'll stop. But just imagine it for a minute. We'd be the most handsome couple. We could maybe erect huge shrines out of modeling clay and install them in all of our closets. Ha-ha! Our friends would think we were so weird ... They'd want to be us! Oh, I'm sorry ... God, it's always been so hard to get myself to stop once I've gotten started on something! Especially love and romance. I'm actually quite passionate. I'd kiss you all over. But, y'know, if that doesn't sound like fun to you, I wouldn't really have much of a problem growing old alone. I could get an RV and live for a year in every state. I'll probably die when I'm about 70, right? Especially if I don't give up smoking. Hah! Maybe sooner! But, yeah, that sounds about right. A year in every state. I've always wanted to be an artist like you, Charlie. You're just so cute when you talk about Duchamp with such confidence, as if you knew him personally. I could try doing that too. I'd probably just lie a lot, though. Hah! I'd probably say things like, "Well, yes, he loved custard! He ate it all the time!" Silly, huh? Hey ... Charles ... You look really upset. Is something wrong? Have I made you angry again? Don't be mad. Please don't be mad. I was just talking. God, why do I always have to fuck these things up? Maybe I should move away from you, Charles. You don't seem to like me very much. For a minute, I thought I was pretty. Maybe I'm not. Maybe we're both too demented, d'you think? Or maybe the work we both do makes us too tired for love. Just, let's sleep on it. Let's just ... take a breath and ... think about something nice. Do you like swimming? I used to swim a lot. I could swim really fast and hold my breath underwater for a really long time. Then I got pneumonia. After that, my lung capacity was never the same. And when I started to "develop", I felt awkward in my bathing suit. Maybe I'll start swimming again some time. I think I'll wear a t-shirt and shorts, though ... Charles, have I ever told you that you remind me so much of my grandfather? He was in the war. I can't remember if he fought in Africa or the Pacific, though ... Anyway, after the war, he started drinking a lot. I think he used to beat my mom. You don't remind me of him in that way ... I think maybe it's just your stature or your socks. Actually, I think his name was "Charles" too. Funny, isn't it?